Lost Boys of Summer

April announced the start of the baseball season. It used to be a magical time for me. Between the late 70s and early 2000s, I was a devoted fan of my hometown Major League team.

I started being interested in sports when I was four years old upon realizing that, if I watched a hockey game on TV with my dad, I could spend more time  with him watching that one game than I did in an entire week.

Then my uncle came into the picture and I was sold. I had many years of fun talks with both over line ups, trades, decisions of the coaches and amazing plays.

In those years, baseball games were on TV only on the weekends. The rest of the time, if you wanted to follow a game, you listened on the radio. To this day, I remember that the first sign of Spring for me was to hear the familiar voices of the baseball announcers calling the Spring training matches. The sound of the bat hitting the ball for a home run, the cheers of the crowd – indelible memories.

I attended matches too. My first when I was eight years old, just before the team moved to a bigger and colder stadium. In 1993, I was in the stands with my dad when they retired my favourite player’s jersey. He had gotten free tickets (my dad is quite a cheap wad).  It was a memorable event. I missed not having my uncle there though.

The 1993 and 1994 seasons were amazing for my team. Then it went it hell in a hand basket with a players’ strike, a fire sale of all our best players, my uncle being diagnosed with cancer and passing away three months later. For these and other reasons, 1995 was one of the worst years of my life. My sport interest waned but I still waiting anxiously for April, for the sounds, for the hope, for the cheers, for a while…

The last hometown match I attended was just before leaving the city in 2003. I went because close friends invited me. Convinced by the team’s bad management that the team was doomed to move away, not longer benefiting from fun chats with my uncle, I had stopped caring. Instead of waiting for the team to leave me, I had left the team.

In February 2012, my favourite baseball player of all time passed away. Way too young, just like my uncle. In watching retrospective video clips of his career, I cried and cried. I cried for the loss of a sports hero, for the loss of my team a decade earlier, for the loss of my enthusiasm for sports  and, again, for the devastating loss of my uncle.

I’m sure you all know by now that life is very different from sports. The winners and losers aren’t clearly distinguishable, and more often than not, there is no next season to make things better.

We simply keep on.

Mighty Be Our Powers

Last month I mentioned looking forward to reading the book Mighty be Our Powers: How Sisterhood, Prayer, and Sex Changed a Nation at War by Leymah Gbowee. It was a quick read, which is unusual for me as I always seem to put all kinds of work and my Twitter American politics addiction, before m y reading pleasure.

I expected to be inspired by this book, considering its author’s journey and life changing accomplishments, but I didn’t expect to like her so much. After all, we come from very different backgrounds, and I’ve been allowed the privilege of making much different choices when it comes to marriage and child bearing.

One of my favourite quotes from the book: “…my image of wealthy white women was that they had one child, if any, and gave all their attention to their dog.” It was of course a comment coming from the new perspective that becoming a rich white woman’s friend gave her.

I would recommend it for its realism and hope.

8/10

Lecturisme I

Premier texte complètement en français (il était temps ?) J’ai choisi un sujet facile, une autre série de romans policiers qui m’a amenée dans la fabuleuse ville de Paris, cette fois écrite par Fred Vargas (vrai nom Frédérique Audoin‑Rouzeau).

Découverte il  a plusieurs année, cette écrivaine sous un nom de plume, a créé, au cours de 24 années (1991-2015) une série avec comme protagoniste, le Commissaire Jean-Baptiste Adamsberg.

Les histoires sont souvent à teneur psychologique et donnent plus de place à la déduction que la violence, ce que j’apprécie.

Fait intéressant, le quatrième roman est situ au Québec (Sous les vents de Neptune). Adamsberg loin de Paris, n’est cependant pas à son meilleur.

Journée internationale de la femme 2017 International Women’s Day

La Journée internationale de la femme 2017 est à nos portes et plusieurs publications offrent de l’information sur des femmes remarquables. Je trouve dommage que notre société requiert encore une occasion spéciale pour mettre en lumière des consoeurs, mais bon.

En regardant mes lectures passées (gros merci à Librarything) je me suis aperçue que les femmes que j’admirais et desquelles j’ai lu des livres étaient, à part Thérèse Casgrain, des américaines (Sonia Sottomayor, Ellen DeGeneres, Hillary Clinton, etc.) [ndlr le livre Thérèse Casgrain, la gauchiste en collier de perles présente clairement la tranche de la vie féminine avant l’obtention du droit de vote au Québec et les efforts répétés de Mme Casgrain pour l’instituer.]

J’ai alors tristement réalisé que mon univers de modèles, fictifs et réels, était non seulement limité, mais aussi complètement favorablement biaisé envers nos voisins du Sud. (Les raisons pourraient sûrement être étudiées pour produire un billet futur.)

C’est pourquoi j’ai voulu prendre un peu de temps pour sortir de mon carcan et présenter une femme vivant dans un univers complètement différent de mon privilège.

“You can never leave footprints that last if you are always walking on tiptoe.”

Leymah Gbowee

I first saw this saying at a Women’s Day cocktail I attended in my last job, and it stayed with me. (It helped that they were handing out magnets with the sentence written on it. ;-))

I was a tad embarrassed by the fact that I didn’t know anything about Leymah Gbowee and quickly looked for information about her endeavours. She is someone who made quite a difference around her, so much so that she won a Nobel Peace Prize in 2011 – one of only 16 women who have won the prize since 1901.

Born in Liberia in 1972, site of two civil wars between 1989 and 2003, she overcame domestic abuse to organise a women’s movement (Women of Liberia Mass Action for Peace). This group’s efforts to engage rebel factions in the peace process, was instrumental in ending her country’s last civil war.

Her biographical book, Mighty Be Our Powers: How Sisterhood, Prayer, and Sex Changed a Nation at War (2011) is next on my reading list.

Cosmetic Products Sleuthing

After weeks of international bad news and difficult posts, I’ve decided to write about a  lighter and more fun subject.

For the last few years, I’ve been on the lookout for reasonably priced facial and body products which contain less harmful chemicals, yet work extremely well. (Yes, I’m a demanding consumer.)

My first information source was the EWG’s Skin Deep® Cosmetics Database. It’s American and consumers from other countries may not be able to find all the less chemically-based products it analyses. As well, even if a product is found in your country, it may not contain the same ingredients. Still, it’s a good place to start if you’re looking for information on a certain class of products, or if you’re considering buying a particular brand.

In addition, I look at Beautypedia. Created by Paula Begoun and her team, it gives access to a searchable database of products and, above what the EWG database offers, presents reviews on how they work and rates them based on efficacy. You will also see too Paula’s Choice brand products sold on her site but in spite of this, you can find amazingly helpful information on competing products.

I first encountered Ms. Begoun’s work by reading the book Don’t go to the Cosmetics Counter Without Me, now in its 9th Edition and offered for sale on her site as well as on Amazon US and Amazon CA. I learned from this book, as well as through her interviews, that more costly cosmetic and beauty products aren’t necessarily the best for your skin (most hold a lot of fragrance for instance) and that you can find similar quality in less known brands, which also often happen to be more reasonably priced.

Some of my great finds include my new favourite skin care brand — CeraVe®. I came across this brand as I was looking at reviews on different sites for a new night cream and kept seeing how cream X did not beat their CeraVe® product, so I got curious. Beautypedia gives the brand high marks all around.

My must haves now include the Hydrating Cleanser (I used the Foaming Facial Cleanser in the summer, but winter is harsh here so I switched), the Eye Repair Cream and the Moisturizing Lotion which I use on my face and body. Again in the summer, the Facial Moisturizing Lotion PM for normal to oily skin was great for my mixed skin, but didn’t cut it in winter.

Sleuthing for good cosmetic products takes enormous amounts of time. I’ve been doing this for many years, and hope to discuss here other of my reasonably priced and healthy great products in the coming months, which may, hopefully, answer one or more of your needs.

Changing Times and Women’s Marches

It’s the Women’s March day worldwide today. Theses marches were triggered by the inauguration, as President of the United States, of an over 40-year old white man. The norm for the greater majority of the past 241 years.

The major difference this time, is that the most underqualified male candidate ever, won over a superbly politically qualified woman.

Although other candidates in the past have been racists (hello slave owners!), misogynists and anti-gay men (e.g., President Obama only declared is support for same-sex marriage in 2012), this particular winning candidate enjoys fuelling hatred and violence against “others” in a way that weakens tolerance, collaboration, and understanding at all levels of society.

The Marches offer women (and the men who care for them) an opportunity to stand up and say, “we’ll fight for ourselves, our bodies, and our rights”.

This is nothing new, of course. I’ve always known, thanks to the stories in my family and my own experience, how different things were for women than men.

My paternal grandmother was forced by the church and her environment, to give birth to 21 children. Yes, twenty-one, this not a typo. She only learned to read and write in her fifties when her kids were all grown up.

She was forced again, by the state and the church, to take care of her violent and alcoholic ailing husband who had deserted her and her 12 living children. This, until he passed seven years later.

On the day my mom was born, neither her, nor her mom, had the right to vote in their home province. It would take another 5 years for that right to finally be bestowed.

Mom also had to leave school in the 6th grade to take care of her ailing mother, because that was what girls had to do in the late forties.

My aunt was raped and forced (should I mention the church again?) to carry to term her baby. All heart, her mom adopted the boy as her own, a pretty rare occurrence. Nonetheless, my aunt never recovered from the terrible way society viewed her.

Myself, I was followed, harassed and assaulted (I’ll leave the darkest parts for another day) and spent my whole working life being underestimated, patronized, and skipped over for opportunities and promotions.

In 2000, the avant-garde organisation I worked for did a salary review. The results gave me and my female colleague a lump sum of $21,000 to compensate for continuous, discriminatory under payment in salary.

I was 46 years old before I finally got to work for an organisation led by a woman. I had then been in the job market for 28 years. 28 years.

Through all of the memories of the past and the development of my personal situation, I never, ever thought that young women would still be fighting for themselves, their bodies, and their rights in 2017.

I am heartbroken.

All the talks, all the progress, all the advances (Canada now has a 50% female Cabinet for instance), mean so little in the end.

By the way this new President is normalized and presented by citizens and network media, the self-professed “greatest country in the world” (per Hillary Clinton, Barrack and Michelle Obama just a few months ago (!)) is telling women to go back to the kitchen, keep silent, condone sexual harassment and assault, and just smile and look pretty.

Marches like the ones of today, are loudly and clearly telling the world that engaged citizens will not stand for it.

So here’s hoping (once again) for a better future.

Lessons Learned in 2016

2016 was a trying year for many of us. Below are the few lessons I learned along the way. Hoping they may serve as a helpful, cautionary tale.

I had known for a while that the job I was in since 2014 was somewhat stifling. I had read the very inspirational The Encore Career Handbook by Marci Alboher (highly recommended and the Kindle version now only CA$1.99), and was looking forward to developing new skills and restoring old ones.

My boss announced her retirement in January 2016. I was on the Alboher encouraged “let’s try to develop new skills” beat so I offered to do an interview with her reflecting on her career, and post it on the organisation’s internal blog. It was a lot of work (the transcription alone!), but also a lot of fun.

Lesson Learned

No matter how grey or dark things are, keep learning, keep looking, keep trying new things. It will feed your soul.

 

As time went on, I felt more and more desperate to get out of my job, so I applied to everything I could find (14 hiring processes in total) to get out of there.

I failed most exams and when I passed the exams, I failed the interview. It was a vicious circle, I was drained and probably didn’t show myself in the best light, then failed and was even more discouraged.

In early summer, I went through one relatively “fun” interview, where I had to prepare a 20 min. presentation on any subject I chose (hadn’t prepared anything that length in 2 decades!) and answer questions in front of a 4-people panel. I liked the thought of doing something different and had just read the book Deep Work by Cal Newton, so I enjoyed using his ideas as a stepping stone. Doing this through work and other hiring processes though, I missed some important information on the job poster and in failing one answer, I was sure I would not get the job.

Lesson Learned

Concentrate only on applying to the jobs you really want. You’ll have more energy to pass exams and interviews while continuing to meet your daily work commitments.

 

The more time passed, the more desperate and drained I got. I was also going through some difficult experiences with my elderly parents, and in addition to my demanding day job and perimenopause symptoms, I lost myself and fell into a deep depression.

I tried to arrange for a mix of vacation and sick leave with my boss but due to work deadlines, it didn’t pan out. I took some vacation time, but it just wasn’t enough to recover enough to even see what I needed (medication and therapy).

A close colleague told me I should just take sick leave to take care of myself, but all I could think of was that leaving at that point would make me look unprofessional and damaged and that I needed to stay to support my staff and my new boss. I categorically and forcefully told her that I would be fine.

Lessons Learned

If you see yourself telling someone you care about that they are wrong about what you need, please step back and look at your motivations, they may not be in YOUR best interest. You may not be doing was is best for YOU.

Like in an airplanes, you need to put the oxygen mask on yourself before even thinking of helping anyone else – not wanting to take time to care for yourself, maybe deep down thinking that you don’t deserve that care, is a sign that you need to get help, pronto.

 

I was told in early July that I had actually gotten the “presentation” job. Due to bureaucratic hurdles however, it would take many weeks for me to actually be able to leave my current job. The more time passed, the more drained I was. At one point, I couldn’t even tell if taking the job would be a good thing (I would be losing job security, union benefits, etc.). I just could not think straight and felt I was jumping into total unknown.

What got me to finally stop and get help? I went for a routine medical appointment and just broke down. Not sure what opened the gate, but it was a good thing. The thought that I would fail at the new job, being in such a bad place, opened me up to try anything to help.

Lessons Learned

Not taking care of yourself early on will only lead to a longer recovery.

Taking medication to improve your health is a good thing; there is absolutely no difference between a physical affliction or a mental one.

 

Where am I now?

I started the new job a few months ago and I love it. I fit in much better with the culture there (people actually talking to each other and having coffee and lunch together while working super hard towards the same goals). I also enjoy the work I do, as well as the opportunity I have to learn new things in brand new (and some old) subjects.

I’m still on medication, still in therapy and monitoring myself and my dark thoughts carefully. My recovery is slow and not at all linear, but I am progressing.

Lesson Learned

Jumping into the unknown can often be your only chance of survival.

The End (for now).